Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize