just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
