My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
