Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
