i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
