dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
