Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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