So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
