i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Randomize
