im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
