remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
