bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
