gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
