? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
is wine microwaveable?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
