It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
