apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
