All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
