is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
