i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
