Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
