the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
