The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My penis needs a shock collar
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize