During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize