I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
