I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She needs sedatives and a leash
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
