I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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