what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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