i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
jump out the window naked night went bad
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