I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
