I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
