I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
