He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
