A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
