in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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