i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
