so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
