i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
