it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My cat gives me a boner
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
