i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
