At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
