shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
