Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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