Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
