is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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