I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
