I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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