everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
