The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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