Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize