if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
