we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
