can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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