I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
