You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
