My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
This is not my ceiling
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
