You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
