smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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