The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
