i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
How's work?
Spinning.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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