I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
