we're blogging at a bar
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
