From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
