How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize