Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
