arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
