Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize