Betty ford says i'm here all night
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
