I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
