Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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