anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You don't make any sense
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