I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
