And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
