So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
