your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
