Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
