I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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