he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
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