what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
