i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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