I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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