take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
