Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize