My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
