sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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