I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
