FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
